The Stories of Four
by Apphexon
Summary: Thousands of years ago, four people journeyed to the west to fetch the Buddhist scripture. Now, thousands of years later, they're back! How will they manage life in present times? Read these seven short stories to find out!
1. I am a Buddha and

Hey guys! This is my first ever fan- fiction so please don't judge too harshly! This idea has actually been in my head for a long time and I finally got the guts to post it ^.^

Disclaimer: I do not own the book or any of the charactors.

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

I was meditating one day when the Buddha spoke to me. "Tang Sanzang, do you know how your first disciple is doing?" I bow "No, I haven't heard from him since he took his post in the Demon World." The Buddha nods slowly. "Why don't you bring your second disciple Zhu Bajie and third disciple Sha Seng and see how he is doing?" I bow again, "Yes".

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

Ok, so you've heard of me right? Say no and I'll kill you... Just kidding. I think you'll find that I've mellowed out a lot since that journey to the west thing. After undergoing that, I became a Buddha, hurray for me! But a few thousand years later I figured out that sitting a lotus flower and chanting scriptures isn't exactly my thing. Yeah, in retrospect, it really wasn't so surprising. So the Buddha decides to stick me in the Demon World and... Oh, wait you don't know about that. I'll explain from the beginning.

Nowadays you don't see many demons around anymore, do you? And you probably thought I was a myth, didn't you? And you probably thought real magic and flying and stuff is fake, am I right?

Of course I am.

Well that's because hundreds of years ago the Buddha did sort of a spring cleaning thing. He wiped out all the bad demons and put the ones willing to be good in another world. But now and then, (more often than you'd think) more bad demons will be born. The Buddha didn't want them going into the human world and wreaking havoc, and since I was getting bored anyway, he put me in charge of either killing or enlightening those bad demons. Mostly I kill them.

So that keeps me occupied most of the time but I still have a lot of spare time left. So after playing around a few decades, I became a multi- millionaire, a male model... Shut up, just because I'm a monk doesn't mean I can't have some fun. And when I left the immortal world, the Buddha decided I can shave (as in use magic and transform myself) so that I don't look really creepy. That way, when I have to chase a demon in the human world I won't have to waste time turning into a human.

Well get this, under all that fur was actually a pretty good looking face and a fair amount of muscle... And since I'm immortal I won't be turning old. Some aspects of my life really are awesome. In addition to all that, I thought "why not get the education every kid dreams about?" So I enrolled in a school. Haha that sounds funny.

So basically, I'm living the good life right now. Which is why I'm waiting for the perfect people to come and ruin it.

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

Really? REALLY? We have to go see how the stupid monkey is DOING? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? He's out there living it up! With everyone kissing his ass! What are we going to do? Beg him to let us join him? Give me a break...

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sheng POV<strong>

I'm so excited! We finally get to see big brother after so long.

Master, Second Brother, and I arrive on the sidewalk in front of Big Brother's house. I look around, and see a big house with a Ferrari parked in the driveway.

Wow.

I never knew Big Brother was this successful, but I guess it's to be expected. I wonder if he'll let us drive that car...

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

Hello. I am very sorry for the impression I just made on you. I am sorry if I made you think I'm weird. I am sorry if you don't like me anymore 'cuz hey, your loss.

Anyway, moving on:

That is an awesome car. If Big Brother lets me drive it I may consider letting some things go. Some. Not all.

Master is staring at the Ferrari too. Not in a good way though, and for some reason I doubt he's dying to drive it like me. Actually, I think he might make Big Brother get rid of it.

We walk up to the house and knock.

and knock.

and knock.

And then we notice the doorbell. But just when we're about to ring it, the door swings open. And there's Big Brother, wet, shocked, and staring at us the way Master stared at the Ferrari.

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

Ah! Here they are! The guys who were pre-destined to disturb my life. I didn't even finish my shower when they just came up and attemped to knock my door down. Notice the doorbell in front of your noses!

Ok, before you judge me, I want to get something straight. The Buddha smashed me under a mountain for 500 years. Then, when I'm rescued, he makes me protect some scrawny little monk that says stuff like "Even the littlest ant does not deserve to die." Whatever. Then I realize that this martyr will also make me save every tiny village or person we come across. But that was OK, I like fighting.

Then I finally become a Buddha, and he makes me go protect ALL the humans in the whole world. That is my huge reward. But like I said, I enjoy fighting, so that's fine.

BUT THEN, they come. Now I have to protct them again. Is this really what I'm destined to be? A bodyguard?

Oh well.

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

We are now officially enrolled in Wukong's school. Or as he is called here, Zach. Hmm.

Our second journey together begins here. Riding in Wukong's ridiculously fast car.

What does he have against walking, one step at a time?

* * *

><p>Done! I hope you guys liked it and I'll post another chapter next week. Please review!<p> 


	2. I Don't Kill Living Cretures

The second chapter is here! I hope you guys enjoy this one.

Disclaimer: I don't own the book or the characters.

**Sanzang's _To Be a Monk _#1: Refraining from destroying Living Creatures**

This means not to kill or harm any living creature without a _very very very good_ reason. Sometimes, even if you have a very good reason, you should ask yourself, 'Can killing be avoided?' Injuring a creature should also be avoided. A monk must always consider the well- being of others.

- Sanzang

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

I don't think I told you something earlier. Oops. In the Demon World, It's basically the same thing as the Human World. There is an America, China, India, etc. Stuff like World War II or democracy doesn't happen though, but we do have technology and the other modern stuff.

I am in America. Hey, why not? Traveling is fun. I've also been to France, Japan...

And ok, moving on. The thing about being in America is that Master, Bajie, and Sha Seng need names. And I get the honor of naming them! Hmm, let's see, what names are there? David, Matt, Sean, William, Benny, Bob...

Ugh. Screw this. They can think of names themselves.

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

High School. Something I am actually enduring for the first time. I have decided to name myself Jacob.

The one thing good about this place is the girls. It's amazing how much clothes have changed since "my time". With some girls, I can honestly see EVERYTHING. *drool*

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

I cannot believe how much more loose women have become. How can they wear clothes so revealing? And even the clothes I'M wearing...

_Flashback_

"Here" Wukong throws a shirt at Sanzang. "You're kinda close to my size. You can wear that for now." Sanzang unfolds it and stares. "Wukong, are you sure this shirt is finished? The sleeves are so short." Wukong sighs dramatically, "yes, I'm so sorry. They didn't have any long- sleeved monk outfits at the local mall."

"That's alright, we can look at some other stores later."

Wukong glares at him. "Right. I suppose these shorts are too slutty for you too."

_End flashback_

I suppose it can't be helped after al-

Hmm, a boy is walking towards me. I wonder if he wants to talk.

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

Ah shit.

A demon is walking towards Master.

And he looks totally unfazed.

Not because he thinks he can take a demon that size by himself (ha!), but because he thinks everyone is passive and doesn't want to eat him. (double ha!)

Where is that stupid monkey when you need him?

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Seng POV<strong>

Oh no! A demon is walking towards Master! I must go save him!

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

Perfect. Now Sha Seng is running towards Master, trying to save him I guess.

Idiot.

Now because of moral reasons, I have to go help too.

Stupid monkey.

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

Oh look at those idiots go. If Master weren't in danger I'd be rolling on the floor laughing.

Jimmy, the bully, is laughing at Bajie and Sha Seng. "You two can't even use weapons here. You think you can beat me? Relax, I'm not gonna eat that guy yet, I just want to see how strong he's gotten."

I suppose I should go help...

Yeah probably.

They might get hurt if I don't go.

Which is why I should probably go right now.

Now.

Now.

But as a bystander I've found that the view is quite good...

Ok ok I'm going.

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang<strong> **POV**

Wukong arrives just in time to parry a punch from the bully that would have hit Bajie square in the eye. Bajie falls back from the sudden interference.

He turns to smirk at him, "Very smooth Pig."

Bajie growls.

Wukong turns back and says, "I can tell you something like "Pick on someone your own size" and you'll come fight me, or you can leave right now and spare yourself the pain."

The demon laughs. "Pain? Please. Why don't you just leave Zach? I could beat you out of the country."

...

Huh?

I don't think I've ever heard anyone undermine Wukong's power this much. Not unless he has a special weapon or technique. I doubt this big clumsy boy does. Doesn't he know what Wukong can do?

Wukong grins "By all means then, try"

The boy runs forward punching and kicking. Wukong moves backward at the same pace, smoothly dodging all his attacks.

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

I think my nonchalance has actually got Jimmy scared. Heh.

I see a miraculous opening amidst all his random punching and kicking.

I aim a "gentle" roundhouse kick at Jimmy's stomach.

He flies back a few feet.

Oops.

I meant to be gentle. Honest.

Jimmy sits up gasping and panting. He's clutching his stomach. He glares at me, "This isn't over." he pants, and staggers away.

The crowd that has gathered claps and whoops and disperses.

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Seng POV<strong>

That was great! Big brother did show up after all. That demon was nothing against him. But Master doesn't seem too happy.

"You could've been gentler Wukong. I wonder if he was hurt..."

Big Brother rolls his eyes, "He would've killed you there and then and you're telling me I should've been gentler."

Second Brother takes advantage of Master's pause and jumps in, "That's not true Big Brother. That demon was weak, he wouldn't have killed Master here.

"You, on the other hand, kicked him hard enough to kill him!"

Master pales, "You didn't really kick him that hard to kill him did you?"

Big Brother replies,"That kick wouldn't have killed _you_, let alone that guy."

"Well have you hurt other people in other fights?"

"Actually, come to think of it, I never got into a fight until you guys came along."

Second Brother jumps in again, "Oh no. Look Master, now Big Brother is blaming _you_ for the evil thing he did! It's too bad The Buddha took the golden band off, or you could teach him a lesson right now!"

Big Brother smirks, "Oh I know where this is going. Back then, you would listen to this idiot, than read that band- tightening spell, than make me leave you. Then demons come and kidnap you, and I have to come back and save you again.

"Now first of all, the band is gone, second, you now live in my house so technically _you_ have to leave. Third, if I leave now, Jimmy's friends and other demons will no doubt come and beat you up. Then I will have to come back and fight them. It's the exact same pattern"

Before Second Brother makes things even worse, I say, "You don't have to do that Big Brother, Second Brother didn't mean what he said."

"Like hell I-"

"Yes Wukong, no need to be rash."

"Come on Master! That monkey-!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, I'm getting hungry, let's go."

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

I have been left alone, speechless, in the hallway.

Woe is me.


	3. I Don't Steal

****Haven't updated in a while... Sorry about that. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own the book or the characters.

* * *

><p><strong>Sanzang's <em>To Be a Monk <em>#2: ****Refraining from taking that which is not given**

If you take someone else's belongings without permission, it is stealing. It is one of the most common morals in all religions. In Buddhism, it is extremely important for a monk to avoid stealing.

- Sanzang

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

You know what sucks sometimes? When your ex- "guardian" comes back into your life, resumes role as your master, and commands you to get rid of your brand new, red Ferrari. What? That's never happened to you before? Huh... imagine that...

Anyway, I don't want get rid of my brand new, red Ferrari. And no matter what master says, I am not "attached" to a "material object".

I _am_ attached to a awesome new car that goes really, really fast. There is a difference.

So, to convince Master my car is OK to have around, I decided to teach him how to drive.

Heh.

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

My reputation precedes me. Always. It's not fair though. Everywhere I go people think I'm just this womanizer... Ok so maybe that's true. But I'm actually a very _deep_ person with _aspirations_...

Yeah I don't believe it either.

What's wrong with a monk getting a girlfriend? What's wrong with liking women? Wait no... that makes all other monks sound gay (Which, thinking about it now, our rules do make us seem kinda...) Let me re- phrase: I want to get laid.

I guess my reputation is right.

So anyway, one day I'm sitting in history class and these two girls come up to me.

"So Jacob, how are you?" Giggle, giggle, smile, smile.

"Umm, good?"

Girl number two smiles some more. "You live with Zach right?" Oh, of course. I resist the urge to flip my desk over.

"Yeah, what's to you?"

This time girl one jumps in "Aww don't be like that, we made a bet with our friends, about who can get a picture of Zach first." I glare at them, "Then just take a picture of him. Why are you telling me?"

"Well... heh heh, see, it's not that simple. We need a picture of him... umm... naked."

...The fuck...?

I put on a disgusted look and say, "And you think I wanna see him naked?"

Girl one gasps, "No of course not!"

Girl two kinda pushes her out of the way, leans forward, and says coyly, "Of course we don't think that, but if you do this for us... maybe we can get you something in return?" She puts her hand on my shoulder and bats her eyelashes.

She knows my weakness!

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

You'd think teaching a passive- aggressive monk to drive would be easy.

It's not.

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<strong>

Big Brother is teaching Master to Drive, and they let me watch.

Master is the first person that Big Brother has let into the driver's seat of his car. He's so lucky! But I'm not not an expert on driving or teaching, and I don't think Master's doing too well. Lots of time already, I've heard Big brother yell, "slow down!" or "This is a Ferrari, going past 5 mph is ok." I guess Master isn't very good at controlling speed.

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

"Alright, this one is the brake, this one is the accelerator."

"What's that?"

"The windshield wipers."

"How about that?"

"The radio"

"What about that?"

"It tells you how much gas is left in the tank"

"That?"

"How could you not know that! _It's the freaking steering wheel!_"

Master jumps back a bit at my outburst, "Just wanted to make sure." he mutters under his breath.

I take several deep breaths, and count back from ten.

"Ok, now put this key in there." He does it. "You should probably turn it too."

"Oh, ok"

Here's the hard part. "Now step on the accelerator _slowly_."

He does. Very slowly. "Yeah, Ok, a little faster won't kill you."

He stomps down on it."

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<strong>

Oh my God! They almost crashed into that pole! I hope they're alright..."

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

I pride myself in the fact that I haven't shown weakness or gotten scared many times in my life. So this incident just made all my self respect jump out the window.

Out of the Empire State Building.

Into the way of oncoming traffic.

Specifically, cabs driven by a brigade of the crazy immigrants of New York.

In layman's terms, I actually worried that I would die in the few seconds before we almost crashed into the pole. So my self respect is now dead and/or completely gone.

Sigh.

I stagger out of the car and glare at Master, "Don't you base your entire life on being careful? Be careful when you sweep or you might kill disgusting insects that everyone hates and don't want around, that kind of thing?"

Master blushes, "Well I didn't know that stepping down would make that much of an impact."

That _infuriating_ little... "Well, I guess all of us need to rest after this." Damn straight, I almost got a heart attack... "Sha Sen do you mind flying? I'll drive master home." Or drop him off a cliff, both are possibilities.

Sha Sen nods "Sure."

Master pales a little, "Wukong are you sure we have to ride in that thing again?" How easy it would be to change my size to a giant and step on him...

"Believe me riding in this is much safer than flying." Under normal circumstances, but who knows what will happen today? It's not hard to get into an accident.

I wonder when I started having such evil thoughts...

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

Big Brother and Master walk through the front door. "Hey" I say, "how did the lesson go?"

"It would've been easier to teach a bear to juggle." Big Brother muttered under his breath. Then in a louder voice he said, "I'm going to take a shower."

Perfect chance! I run up to my room and grab my camera. So in case you haven't figured out yet, I accepted the girls' offer.

I wait for the sound of running water and carefully open the door, trying to make as little sound as possible. But obviously he heard me anyway.

"Who's there?" he asks immediately, "Bajie?"

I decide to just go for it. I fling the shower curtain aside with the camera already in position. Before he can react I snap a picture and ran the hell out of there.

A minute later Big Brother comes seething out of the bathroom. "What the hell was that?"

I feign stupidity, "I don't what you're talking about."

"You just took a picture of me in the shower!"

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did! You're holding the camera!" I throw the camera through the open door of my room. "No I'm not."

He stares at me, open mouthed. Then shakes his head and says, "Fine whatever, I don't need to know anyway."

That's where you're wrong, I think but I just smile and nod.

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sen POV<strong>

The day after my driving lesson, we were in school and out of no where Wukong storms up to me and pulls me to a bulletin board, all the while muttering "I'm going to kill him, kill him so bad he won't be able to reincarnate..."

"Wukong slow down!" I chide, "Where are we going？"

"To see that!"Wukong stabs a finger at a photo tacked on the board.

"Oh...my..." It was a picture of Wukong in the shower, thankfully it didn't show his... you know. Very close by the looks of it though... "Where did this come from?" I said blushing.

"_Him_!" Wukong's finger pivots to a sheepish looking Bajie standing beside the board. "Well it's not like you have anything to be ashamed of!" Bajie protested, gesturing to Wukong's abs.

Wukong ignores him. "Isn't there some kind of rule for monks that says he can't do this?"

"Now Big Brother, you know there's no rule saying we can't take naked pictures of other men." Bajie says trying to retain some dignity. Wukong looks ready to strangle him. Before he can I cut in, "Well I suppose you could say he stole your virtue-" I stop after seeing Wukong's face.

Bajie smirks.

Wukong closes his eyes, and in a fluid motion rips the picture from the bulletin board, "Never mind. Let's just forget this ever happened."


	4. I Can't Have Sex

****Wow, this is a really boring chapter... Everything basically happens in a 20 minutes. Sorry about that, I'll try to make the next one more interesting.

Disclaimer: I don't own this book or the characters.

* * *

><p><strong>Sanzang's <em>To Be a Monk #3: <em>To refrain from sensual (including sexual) misconduct**

Ok, umm, hi... This is Bajie... Master said this is my area of expertise so I should explain this one... I think he misunderstood the fact that my area of expertise is actually _doing it_. Meanwhile he wants me to explain how _not _to do it. Yeah... well... this is pretty awkward... So, uhh... don't have sex.

-Bajie

(Tch. Nice job with the intro porky.

-Wukong)

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<strong>

I never wanted this to happen! Honest! I don't even know why she chose me, while Big Brother and Master are around. Why does she have to pick me? The one person person who doesn't want this _and _doesn't know how to deflect her attempts at... Well maybe I should start at the beginning.

_Flashback_

One day-

_End of Flashback_

Come to think of it, I don't really know when this started... And I'm not very good at telling stories anyway. Maybe Second Brother can start it for me.

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

Sha Sen you idiot... Your very first girl and you don't remember anything about it! All I know is that you, me and Big Brother were outside History class discussing that photo incident and a girl just walks up to you and starts rubbing against you... or something like that. It went something like:

"What the fuck was wrong with you! You agreed to take a naked picture of me in exchange for _sexual favors?_"

"Oh get over that! I told you, you had nothing to be ashamed about!"

"You think _that's _the only problem?"

"Well yeah! What else is there!"

"What the hell is wrong with you? Did you even have sex with them in the end?"

"No..."

"Then what was the point of y-"

That's when we stopped arguing and the girl walked up. She had this weird horny look on her face. Like eyes all narrowed, smiling and stuff. "Hiii Sha Sen! Heh heh." She purposely bumps into you and walks into the room. Kinda disturbing even for me 'cause she really wasn't all that pretty.

Me and the monkey just kinda stared at you two.

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<strong>

Oh yeah! I remember that! You and Big Brother just kinda stared at me open mouthed. But I think it started before then...

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

Oh yes, I think I was with you when it first happened. We were in... What do you call it? P.E? Yes that's it. Our class was playing dodge ball and a ball had hit her and knocked her down. You helped her up saying, "Are you all right?" and she simply stared at you. I suppose it could have been described as love.

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

Wow, _love_. Heh, you're in pretty deep Sha Sen. Who is this girl?

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV <strong>

Jesus Christ, _Master _noticed stuff like that and you didn't? How oblivious are you? And more importantly, what happened after that?

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<strong>

To answer Big Brother's question, I think her name is Sally.

And to answer Second Brother's question, I think I helped her up and she blushed. She said "Thank you" real quiet then just ran away. After that I thought I saw her following me around but I always thought I was imagining it. That time I was with Second Brother was the first time she talked to me so openly.

But none of this is helping! How do I stop this?

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

_The next day...  
><em>

Alright Sha Sen here's what you do. When you're sure she can see you, go up to another girl and start flirting. Be real obvious.

Sha Sen looks at me doubtfully, "I don't know how to flirt Brother." I blanch, my brother doesn't know how to flirt! How embarrassing... But I suppose it can't be helped, not everyone can be as knowledgeable as me.

"It doesn't matter, just go up to a random girl, start talking sexy and put your arm around her and stuff."

Now Big Brother's the one looking dubious, "That's how you flirt? Doing that is gonna get you slapped. I thought you'd know that from experience."

I lift my head up defiantly, "It works, I've seen people do it."

"Yeah" he mutters, "People who don't look like fat ass pigs."

Pointedly ignoring him, I turn to Sha Sen and say, "just try it." I cut off his, "But-" by pushing him in a hot girl's direction.

The monkey winces as Sha Sen stumbles up to her, "Sally's not that pretty, you don't need a girl that good looking to make a point."

I shrug, "Can't hurt."

"Sure it can. In case you haven't noticed, Sha Sen isn't as good looking as that girl either. You think someone like that is going to give him the time of day?"

I wince as his words sink in, "When did you get so good at this?"

"Observation. Sometimes there's nothing better to do than watch those steroid- taking idiots going at girls like monkeys. No Masochism intended." He adds.

"Hmm."

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<strong>

I try best to figure out what Second Brother meant when he said "talk sexy" in the short time between being pushed and almost falling on the girl. I steady myself just in time and look up to see her looking very unimpressed. I scramble to my feet and desperately try to think of something "sexy", "umm... hi... What's your name?"

I think I can hear Second Brother's groan from here. The girl snorts, but decides to pity me I guess because she answers, "Joanne."

"Oh, umm, hey...Joanne." I lean down on a desk, the way I've seen Big Brother do it, trying... Well I'm wasn't really sure anymore at that point. Suave, I think they call it. But I guess I was too heavy or something because the desk tips over and I go down with it, landing with a loud thud. Joanne laughs loudly and walks away.

Sally, on the other hand, rushes over and helps me up. "Oh no, are you ok? You're not hurt are you?"

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

I sigh loudly. "That _idiot..._"

Big Brother smirks, "Poor guy."

* * *

><p>I feel like I should explain why I picked Sha Sen to be the "main character" of this story. At first I meant for it to be Wukong, but then I thought back and he plays a pretty big part in all the other stories. Bajie already had a "sexual misdemeanor" in the last story and I have something bigger planned for Tang Sen. :) So that left Sha Sen.<p> 


	5. I Don't Lie

****I'm sorry I took so long with chapter! So many things happened with this one... I had another idea for this then I changed my mind and switched to this. Then I had to study for final exam, then I couldn't think of a good ending... It still isn't that good but I figured thinking of a good one will probably take too long, so yeah.

Disclaimer: I don't own this story or any of the characters.

* * *

><p><strong>Sangzang's <em>To Be a Monk #4<em>: To refrain from lying **

A monk must always speak the whole truth no matter how uncomfortable it may be for you. For many people, speaking the truth may put them at an disadvantage or in a condition to be rebuked, this is why you must be sure to not do something that you can't be truthful about.

- Sanzang

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

I still remember that time centuries ago when that six eared monkey or whatever tried to impersonate me. But obviously not everyone can pull off my good looks and attitude. Heh. Anyway, he actually did a pretty good job. When even Guan Ying can't figure figure out who you are, you know you're pretty good. And that you really don't get out much. Or at all.

This time though... Damn, I mean, really?

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

It was Saturday that day and Bajie's science partner came to work on their project together. The first thing that Jimmy,yes the same boy that bullied us, did when he came into Wukong's home was lean closer to me and say suspiciously, "Hey, I saw you at the library..."

"Oh? But I haven't been to the library..."

His eyes narrowed, "No bitch, it was definitely you. I even called you and you didn't even turn around. You got some nerve you know that?" He crosses his arms and waits for me to answer, or perhaps fight back... But thankfully I wasn't required to analyze his intentions too deeply because at that moment Wukong walked in from the garage.

"Well, that's it." he sighs sadly, "My Ferrari's gone. I now have a stupid Mercedes- Benz." He looks like he's pouting.

Jimmy glares at him, "Hey Zach, I said hi to your little boyfriend here and he didn't even have the respect to say hi back so now I'm gonna beat him up. What do you say to that?"

"I say 'can you get any cornier'" he mutters under his breath, then in a louder voice says, "It probably wasn't even him."

Arms still crossed, he walks closer to Wukong, he's about half a foot taller, "Do you think I'm stupid? I know who I saw."

Despite the height difference, the angry flash in Wukong's eyes alone makes him seem more menacing, "Actually, I've always thought you were stupid." he retorts quietly, "Now I'm in a bad mood so why don't you go upstairs and work on your stupid little project. God knows you'll need to actually work this time, seeing as you're working with Fatty up there."

Jimmy bars his teeth, a growl escaping his lips, "I know who I saw-"

"WOULD YOU GET A FUCKING LIFE AND GET OVER THIS!" shouted Wukong suddenly, hand twitching towards his ear. I knew what he wanted to do and I knew I had to intervene fast.

I rush over, and try to calm Wukong down, "Now Wukong, no need to become violent over something small like this."

"Tch." His face is still twitching with anger but instead of killing Jimmy he turns on his heel and stomps upstairs.

I sigh and turn towards Jimmy, "Perhaps you should go."

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

I probably wouldn't have gotten so mad if I hadn't been hearing accusations like that all week. More than twenty girls have come up to me and reported that they had waved at me when they saw me at the mall and apparently I had the _nerve _to not wave back. Jesus Christ...

First of all, I don't go to the mall that often. Second, I don't wave to everyone that waves to me anyway, I see it as a waste of energy and it only encourages them to come up to me and talk. I know that makes me seem unfriendly but... well... I am pretty unfriendly.

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<strong>

Second Brother and me was outside history class and Sally walks past me. But instead of saying hi to me like she usually does, she just walks by me, looking straight ahead.

"Oh ho..." Second Brother chuckles, bending to look into the room. "Guess your charm ended buddy, she didn't even look at you there." Before he even finished the sentence when Sally walked back out and pushes me a little. I say a little because 'cause she really isn't that strong.

"I can't believe you!" She cries.

"W- what?" I stutter.

"Yesterday!"

"What about yesterday?"

"Don't play stupid! Ugh!" She stomps back into the room. Second brother whistles and grins, "Wow, what'd you do to her?"

"Nothing!" I say "I haven't even seen her in a awhile!"

"Well she looked pretty damn mad there-" Second brother is cut off when a girl walks up and slaps him across the face. My mouth drops open.

"Wha-" Second stares at the girl for a moment, then grows angry, "What the fuck was that for!"

"For slapping my ass in the hallway when I walked past you fucking pervert!" She stomps into class too.

"Huh? Wha-? But I didn't!"

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

My suspicions grow more pronounced when Sha Sen and Bajie tells me what happened at school. I walk into my backyard flanked by both of them. I pull out my staff, twirl it above my head a few times, letting it gain momentum and smash it on the ground.

It makes a metallic clanking sound and to my right a middle aged guy rises from the ground. "Not so hard... Oh, Great Sage!"

I raise my eyebrow and studies him, "Who are you?"

"Why, I'm the Earth God here."

"Huh? What happened to the old guy?"

"Oh, he retired." He wrinkles his nose, "About time too, he's had this post forever, it's time some of us got a chance to prove ourselves."

I'm taken aback, "He... _retired_?"

The new guy nods, "Yeah." Wow...

I snort and tilt my head a little, "Why? This job doesn't get you health insurance?"

Newbie looks genuinely confused, "We're gods, why would we need health insurance?"

No one gets sarcasm these days. "Never mind. I need you to check, are there any new demons in this area?"

"Oh, yes. Of course." Newbie holds out his hand and a laptop materializes. He opens it and begins pressing buttons.

Dude... "Is that a Mac?"

"Yes."

"What happened to that huge book that had all the demons...?"

"Book? We got rid of those a long time ago. Ever since Steve Jobs died I heard even King Yama in the underworld is switching to using a laptop."

Seriously? "Seriously?"

"Yes... And the Jade Emperor got Er Lang Shen an iPad as a reward for chasing down those demons. Oh here we are. Yes four demons have moved into the area."

"Four." God dammit... I start walking back to the house until something occurs to me, "Just out of curiosity, was it an iPad or iPad 2?"

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

A week from that weird girl accident in school, one of our neighbors come knocking at our door. When I open it, he says, "Hi, um...I'm not sure if this is any of my business but there are four people at Caspor Street claiming they're Sun Wukong, Tang Sanzang, Zhu Bajie, and Sha Sen."

I stare at him, trying to figure out if he's lying or not. "Huh? What do they look like?"

"Well, kinda like you guys and kinda not at the same time... I guess they're kinda how people expected you to look during your journey to the west."

"Oh...er, thanks for telling us."

The guy nods, "Sure, no problem." I close the door and go to the window to see if he would pull off a mask and laugh manically like in those stupid kid cartoons. He doesn't, so I go ahead and figure it's not a deliberate trap. "Hey Big Brother!" I shout as I walk up the stairs.

Big Brother turns from his book, "What?"

"A guy just came and said that there are four guys pretending to be us on Caspor Street." He raises an eyebrow and thinks for a minute, "I guess that makes sense."

Well someone finally went off the deep end... "Are you serious?"

He stands up and stretches,"Think about it, all week there have been people claiming to have seen us doing things we obviously haven't done. Demon imposters answers that question."

"Oh..."

"Yeah." He scratches his head, "I guess we should go see. Go get Master and Sha Sen."

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

I did not know what to expect when Bajie screams up the stairs to tell us that we needed to see demons on Caspor Street.

I suppose he was right though, when we arrived at Caspor Street, we recognized four people that could be mistaken for us... I suppose...if one didn't look too closely... A large crowd had already gathered.

The first thing I heard was a man shouting, "I am Tang Sanzang!" Oh dear.

Bajie snickers, "Well that guy is way off in the personality field."

"And looks too." Sha Sen mutters. The man playing me is old and... well... ugly.

"I'd say they're all a bit off in looks." Wukong sneers. The man playing him is very short and fat, and if nothing else, Wukong has never had an inch of fat on him his entire life.

The man playing Bajie is easily the best looking, he is of average height and heavily built.

Sha Sen is tall and thin. He is standing to the side looking very bored and detached.

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

Oh God, this is good! I'm hotter than the monkey! Hell, I'm hotter than all of them! Master and the monkey really weren't much competition, Sha Sen is alright I guess. But what's with him standing all badass like that? What a poser.

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<strong>

I think Big Brother just couldn't take it anymore after the fat man took out a stick and shouted, "I am Sun Wukong!"

"Oh yeah?" He shouted back. The whole crowd turned and the four imposters look up. "Why yes." the fat man says proudly, "I am. Would you like an autograph?" I half expected steam to start coming out of Big Brother's ears when he says that. But instead, he pushes his way into the middle of the crowd and grabs the stick out of the man's hand. "What the hell is this?"

"My staff of course. The Jing Gu Bang."

"Then how come I can do this." Big Brother raises a leg and snaps the stick in half on his thigh. A gasp goes through the crowd and the four guys.

"W-Wha- How dare you break my staff!" The fat man shouts angrily, "That was a gift from the Dragon King!"

Second Brother snorts, "A gift, nice way of putting it." The fat man's head snaps toward him, "What? What did you say!"

"Oh calm down." he mummers, then in a louder voice says, "There was no way the Dragon King _wanted_ to give him that staff. The stupid monkey stole it."

The man's face turns red with anger, "Are you calling me a robber?"

"No." Second Brother walks towards him, "I'm calling _him_ a robber." he nudges Big Brother. Big Brother pushes him back and Second Brother almost falls.

The fat man walks angrily towards Big Brother and Second Brother, "What are you talking about-?" The old man meant to be Master puts a hand on fat man's shoulder and says, "No, First Disciple, we mustn't bother fighting with these _idiots_."

Master's head snaps up, and he walks forward too. I hurry to follow him. He says, "Pardon me sir, but that is not that correct reason to stop violence."

Old man sneers, "And who are you pretty boy?"

Master puts his hands together and bows, "I am Tang Sanzang."

Old man tips his head back and laughs, "Oh yeah Pretty Boy, and I'm the Buddha!"

"Um, actually," Second Brother speaks up, "even in the humans' versions of "Journey to the West", Tang Sen has always been handsome."

Master blushes.

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

Holy fuck, I cannot believe I just said that. I mean, it helped make my point but...

The hot guy, or "me" I guess, walks up to me. He looks me up and down like I'm a prized cow or something and goes, "I guess you, fatass, you're supposed to be me." He snorts, "How pathetic."

Honestly, I didn't know how to answer that. Was I supposed to say, "No genius, everyone knows that Zhu Bajie is fat and ugly, your super hot version is obviously wrong and stupid." I spent my whole life convincing myself that I'm awesome so that would be extremely contradictory.

Then the little emo dude in the back decides that he was done pretending to be too cool to talk to us and he joins the party too. I could've sworn that Sha Sen took a step back when emo dude comes up. Idiotic coward. "Look," Emo dude says quietly, "there is an easy to resolve this problem. I think it's safe to say that the real Sun Wukong is stronger, why don't we simply have a fight?"

Big Brother smirks, "'Cause I don't want to hurt that guy." He nods at Fatty.

"Now wait a minute," Fatty's already out of breath on top of a disgustingly nasal voice, "I could beat you any day!"

"Oh ho," Big Brother snorts, "the only way I can even see that you can hurt me is if you lie on the ground and roll me down."

I think a minute, "What if he sits on you?"

Big brother rolls his eyes, "I doubt he can reach." We all laugh.

"Now, now," Master chides, he turns to the impostor group, "I also do not think a fight would be the best idea. Civilians really can be hurt."

"Oh get your skinny ass out of our conversation." sneers the old Tang Sen.

"I do not mind getting hurt if it is for this purpose. I will die with honor." Impostor Monkey adds.

"Oh ok Mulan, you go do that. I haven't said I'd fight you just yet." Monkey crosses his arms.

"What?" Fatty mocks, "You scared?"

Monkey's face twitches with anger, "Don't tempt me bitch. You know, I don't get how all those people confused you for me. An ugly guy like you..."

Fatty growls, runs up, and _ tackles_ the monkey. "You dare call me _ugly_?"

It was obviously a bad idea though, 'cause Big Brother has the guy pinned within seconds with his knee. He holds Fatty's hands behind his back and his face is pressed on the ground. "Gah! Let me go!"

"Ugh, your back is so... _soft _and... _squishy..._" Big Brother wrinkles his nose.

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

The other group bows at us, "I see," the other Tang Sen says, "you are the real Tang Sen. We are sorry we resorted to violence at your disciple."

Wukong snorts, "Violence? The overall damage would've been greater if you just sat on me."

Impostor Wukong growls and bars his teeth, "You wanna go again, Monkey?"

Wukong gives him a mock exasperated look, "Are you sure _you_ want to?"

The impostor only growls again.

* * *

><p>Like I said really weak ending... .<p> 


	6. I Don't Drink

Well this took way too long for me to post...

Disclaimer: I don't own this book or any of the characters.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>Sangzang's <em>To Be a Monk #5<em>: **To refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness  
><strong>

Buddhists must retain a clear mind to follow the teachings of the Buddha. Drinking alcohol, taking drugs or doing anything of that nature will be very harmful to your practice.

- Sanzang

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<br>**

Happy almost new years everyone!

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

Ugh, New Years again.

More parties I don't feel like going to.

What makes New Years worse than Christmas is that we're supposed to kiss people when the clock strikes twelve. You would not believe how many times I have been assaulted.

I mean, girls, really, I'm a monk, give up already!

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

Woohoo!

New Years!

Parties!

Girls!

Kissing!

Etc!

This is my first New Years not celebrated in the Buddhist Realm. Not that they really celebrate New Years there. I can just imagine all those stoic baldies jumping off their Lotus Pedestals and hugging and kissing each other.

Actually I can't. It would be a scary thought.

Anyway, I guess this is one of those times when I'm kinda glad I have a connection to the stupid monkey. He started getting all sorts of invitations to all sorts of shit in November. I guess they were afraid he'd be taken if they invited him any later.

It's too bad for them though, 'cause he made it clear he wasn't going near any of them. Good news is, since he got all those invitations, I can take them and go to the parties!

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

I had a very disturbing conversation with Bajie. He was explaining the new traditions for the New Years' Eve. Is one really expected to kiss someone at midnight? What a strange notion. In fact, Bajie has explained that some find 'boyfriends or girlfriends' just for the purpose of kissing them.

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

I knew I shouldn't have told Master all that stuff. Because, guess what?

Now he wants to see a New Years party for himself! As in he wants to come with me! And if Master is coming along, guess who's also gonna insist to come?

Sha Sen!

I can't pick up chicks with the equivalent of a father and slow brother clinging on to me the whole night!

Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm not supposed to go near girls anyway. Party poopers.

* * *

><p><strong>Sha Sen POV<strong>

Today, Second brother finally said I can go with him and Master to a party! He said it's a girl name Roxanne's party, and she's really pretty.

I feel kinda bad though, 'cause Big Brother isn't coming and they were his invitations. I asked him one more time before we left, "Big Brother, are you sure you don't want to come? I'm sure you'll have fun."

He was sitting on the couch watching T.V and he waves dismissively at us without turning around, "Sure, sure, go ahead."

"Yeah," Second Brother walks down the stairs, "he doesn't want to go, his loss." Big Brother glances at second brother's outfit and whistles, "What do you plan to do there, sell real estate?"

Second brother looks down, "What do you mean?"

"Dude, you're wearing a tuxedo."

"So?"

Big Brother snorts, "You're going to Roxanne's party at her house, not to dinner at a country club, loosen up."

He stands up and unbuttons Second Brother's jacket, pulls of his bow tie, unbuttons a few buttons on the top of his shirt, and ruffles his hair. He looks Second brother up and down again, "If I were you, I'd change the jacket."

Second Brother sneers, "What would you know about dressing for parties?"

"First of all, I've actually been to some. Second, I modeled for a while, remember?" He peers over Second Brother's shoulder at us, "And you two are under- dressed." We are wearing t- shirts and pants.

Master shakes his head, "Appearance should not mean so much to monks."

"That's right." I quickly agree. Big Brother shrugs and goes back to the couch, "Whatever you say, have fun at the party."

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

I feel very repetitive thinking about how much culture has changed. The home the party is being held in is very dark and very loud. Music is coming out of speakers and there are many people are dancing. Bajie seems very comfortable in this kind of situation, he grabs Sha Sen as soon as we arrive and says, "Alright Sha Sen, you're my wingman, let's go."

"Wait! What about Master?" Sha Sen says. Bajie sighs, "Ok, Master do you mind waiting here for a minute?"

I eye him suspiciously, "Bajie, you do know your boundaries, correct? I will wait but _do not _do anything inappropriate."

"Yeah, yeah." Baije mutters and drags Sha Sen away.

I stand in the corner of the room and try to fit in. A young man staggers up to me, "Heeeyyy!"

"Hello." I say. He shuffles his feet a bit then shoves a cup in my general direction, "Drink?"

I take the cup and study the red liquid, "What is this?"

"Oh, you know, _juice_." He winks at me. This probably should have been a very strong indication that it was not juice, but I drink it anyway.

"Ohhh, good job!" The boy laughs, shuffles his feet some more and claps his hands like a child. "Come on." He grabs my wrist and pulls me away, "Let's get more!"

* * *

><p><strong>Zhu Bajie POV<strong>

I storm back to where we left Master. Sha Sen is on my heel, "But Brother! I don't understand what I did wrong!" I spin around and stab a finger at his chest, "You don't just tell the girl, 'Hey! My brother wants to have sex with you'!'"

"Oh." Sha Sen lowers his head, "Well you could've told me."

"YOU-" I look around, "Hey wait, where's Master?"

Sha Sen looks around too, "He was right here..."

* * *

><p><strong>Sun Wukong POV<strong>

I am watching the news when the phone rings, I pick it up, "Hello?"

"Hey Monkey!" Guess who it is.

I sigh, "What is it Bajie?"

"Um... it's Master..."

I walk into Roxanne's house and I swear to God there are at least a thousand people there. I pick my way through the crowd and arrive at the refreshment table. Bajie looks sheepish, Sha Sen looks ashamed, Master... looks- smells- drunk. He is blabbering about something when I walk up, "What the hell are you doing...? Heeyy, Monkey!" Wow...

"Master." I looks at him, "Are you drunk?"

"Damn straight! Well... maybe..." He giggles, "I've never been drunk before." Yeah, I can see that.

I glare at Bajie, "What happened?" He shrugs, "Me and Sha Sen left him here for a few minutes and when we came back, he was like this!"

"A few minutes?" I glare at him, "Exactly how long is that?"

"Literally about 10 minutes."

"He got this drunk in 10 minutes?" Bajie shrugs again. Sha Sen speaks up, "No really, Big Brother, it probably was only 10 minutes."

"Hey!" Master weakly pushes me, "Don- don't talk about me!" His words are so slurred I can barely understand him. "Sorry." I grab him arm, "Let's go."

"NO!" he snatches his arm back, "Don't wanna! More juice!"

"_Juice_?"

Bajie chuckles, "Happy juice.", he murmurs to himself under his breath and snickers again.

I growl, "Don't be an idiot."

"What!" Master suddenly looks mad, "Who are you calling an idiot? Fucking bitch!"

Sha Sen's mouth drops open, like mine. Bajie manages to stifle a loud burst of laughter.

I manage to control my anger, "I was talking to Bajie."

"Nuh- uh," Master stumbles up to me, "You were talking to me! Bastard!" He tries to punch me, I catch his fist, not that I needed to. It was a foot away from my arm. That doesn't mean he gave up though, because Master decides to punch me again... and again, and again, and again, and- well, you get the idea.

Now for those pacifists out there, let me tell you something, when you're in a fight, there's a natural reflex to dodge attacks and defend yourself. Being me, that instinct has been heightened to the point that it's sinful, so imagine how hard it was to not just knock Master out and drag him away. But I'm a nice person, so somehow that outcome is avoided.

However, I do manage to hold him still enough and eventually he gets tired.

All of us half drag, half carries Master back to my car and we drive home.

* * *

><p><strong>Tang Sanzang POV<strong>

I wake up, confused, in my bed.I try to sit up but immediately fall back down. My head feels it will split open.

Footsteps that sound more like gunshots get closer to my room. Before I know it, the door is swung open and hits the wall with a loud bang.

"Ugh!" I grab my head, trying to block out the pain, Wukong studies me from the doorway, "You're awake."

"Yes." I rub my temples, "Please do not do so loud Wukong, I have a headache."

"I know." his eyes narrow angrily, "That's called a hangover." He walks over to my bed but not before slamming the door shut behind him. I groan again. "A hangover?"

"Uh huh." Wukong hands me a mug of water and tosses some pills onto my nightstand. Advil.

A hangover... I search my aching head for the definition to the new cultural term, "Isn't that an alcoholic disease?"

Wukong rolls his eyes, "It's not a disease. But it is a drinking thing."

"Then that's impossible, I do not drink, Wukong, You know this." He glares at me, "You don't remember anything from last night?"

"Well, um, no."

"Yeah, that's because you got drunk as a skunk."

_What?_

* * *

><p>I think this rounds up my story pretty well. The all knowing, perfect Master made a huge mistake. :) Guess this goes to show what can happen to people from a long time ago suddenly gets pushed to the present. Just one more chapter to go!<p> 


End file.
